Why won't my Commodore 1541 and 1570 drives align???

In this episode I think I’m going to have an easy time of it by aligning both Commodore 1541-II and 1570 drives. However, it turns out there’s more to the supposed alignment issues than I first thought.

Timestamps
00:00 Intro
00:22 1541-II Initial testing
01:12 1541-II Explaining other issues
02:23 1541-II Dismantling
04:09 1541-II Aligning
06:18 1541-II Head cleaning
07:15 1541-II Lubrication
10:02 1541-II Final testing
11:07 1570 Initial testing
11:41 1570 Exploration
17:09 1570 Aligning
18:33 1570 Smoking gun
21:58 1570 Fixing the eject mechanism
24:07 1570 Final testing
24:52 Wrap-up

The problems I hit and fixed in this episode:

1541-II

Drive was unable to read most of the tracks when running an alignment test. It also wouldn’t load a copy protected version of Arkanoid II.
Heads were dirty. I cleaned them.
Even with clean heads, the final few tracks appeared misaligned. I diagnosed a lack of lubrication (particularly on the drive head cable) and lubricated it.

1570

Drive appeared mis-aligned, for the first few and last few tracks only. It also wouldn’t load a copy protected version of Arkanoid II.
It turned out the eject mechanism wasn’t functioning properly, preventing the read write head from making good contact with the disk media. I bent the eject mechanism so it would work reliably.